The last time I tried writing this it was a good two pages long. But I felt like it went too deep for this blog, so I'll make it short and simple. Know that I direct this to everyone who knows me.
I'm sorry.
What am I sorry for? Just know that I am.
Wednesday, August 24, 2011
Real vs Fake (warning, srsly weird thoughts)
I think a lot when I'm alone, sometimes when I'm just in that mind frame.
...sometimes I wonder, because what I think about helps me figure out who I am. Cause, let's face it, that's a major question that most people don't have the answer to. But because I'm thinking so much, I'm not sure if what I discover about myself is real. Or if I just think and come to these conclusions because I want them. The answers to the question that is.
Is it really possible for a humble person to admit they're humble? Probably not. Is it possible for a modest person to admit they're modest? Unlikely.
So in that example. If a modest person sees that they are not modest but selfish, then they're modest because they believe they're selfish even though others may not see so. It's a dizzying circle, because people will say only what you think matters. Yet at the same time sometimes what you think is wrong, and then you have to come to the terms that what others think is right and then you need to understand why they're right and you're wrong.
It's really just going around in circles. I don't even know if what I'm typing is making any sense but this is all that I'm thinking about right now.
I can say I analyze myself. I've been trying to do that for years now, since the first year of high school I think. And as I think more and I try to figure out all the little pieces of me that make me tick, I come to the conclusion that I'm arrogant and selfish and narcissistic.
Everyone is like that even a little right?
And even as I recognize these features in me, even though I want to change it's hard. Because it's not like how stories say. What I say, what I do. Theres no process of planning in strategy, not unless it's a scheduled presentation or conversation.
Even then. Emotions get the better of a person. You'll say something you'll regret, you'll do something you can't believe you do and then you look back on it cringe and hope you'll do better. That you'll change. It's hard, and unless there is someone watching actively and helping you remind yourself not to do or say certain things- let's face it these impulsive things become a habit. And habits are hard to change.
...sometimes I wonder, because what I think about helps me figure out who I am. Cause, let's face it, that's a major question that most people don't have the answer to. But because I'm thinking so much, I'm not sure if what I discover about myself is real. Or if I just think and come to these conclusions because I want them. The answers to the question that is.
Is it really possible for a humble person to admit they're humble? Probably not. Is it possible for a modest person to admit they're modest? Unlikely.
So in that example. If a modest person sees that they are not modest but selfish, then they're modest because they believe they're selfish even though others may not see so. It's a dizzying circle, because people will say only what you think matters. Yet at the same time sometimes what you think is wrong, and then you have to come to the terms that what others think is right and then you need to understand why they're right and you're wrong.
It's really just going around in circles. I don't even know if what I'm typing is making any sense but this is all that I'm thinking about right now.
I can say I analyze myself. I've been trying to do that for years now, since the first year of high school I think. And as I think more and I try to figure out all the little pieces of me that make me tick, I come to the conclusion that I'm arrogant and selfish and narcissistic.
Everyone is like that even a little right?
And even as I recognize these features in me, even though I want to change it's hard. Because it's not like how stories say. What I say, what I do. Theres no process of planning in strategy, not unless it's a scheduled presentation or conversation.
Even then. Emotions get the better of a person. You'll say something you'll regret, you'll do something you can't believe you do and then you look back on it cringe and hope you'll do better. That you'll change. It's hard, and unless there is someone watching actively and helping you remind yourself not to do or say certain things- let's face it these impulsive things become a habit. And habits are hard to change.
Monday, August 22, 2011
Hunger vs Patience
Recently discovered that my house now has waffles. It's been years since I've had a waffle, so don't blame me when I ask you:
What do you eat waffles with?
I mean I guess maple syrup and butter right? But is that it? Fruit I guess?
OMG I NEED ANSWERS PEOPLE, I CANT EAT THEM UNTIL I KNOW WHAT TO EAT THEM WITH
What do you eat waffles with?
I mean I guess maple syrup and butter right? But is that it? Fruit I guess?
OMG I NEED ANSWERS PEOPLE, I CANT EAT THEM UNTIL I KNOW WHAT TO EAT THEM WITH
Saturday, August 20, 2011
Angst vs Seriously Depressed
Officially has an angst playlist to listen to.
No worries I'm not going actually depressed about anything, this is a self-induced one for dark inspiration.
So dark, sad song reccomendations are very welcome right now. Go.
No worries I'm not going actually depressed about anything, this is a self-induced one for dark inspiration.
So dark, sad song reccomendations are very welcome right now. Go.
Wednesday, August 17, 2011
What It Feels like For a Girl
Girls can wear jeans
And cut their hair short
Wear shirts and boots
'Cause it's OK to be a boy
But for a boy to look like a girl is degrading
'Cause you think that being a girl is degrading
But secretly you'd love to know what it's like
Wouldn't you
What it feels like for a girl
-Madonna
And cut their hair short
Wear shirts and boots
'Cause it's OK to be a boy
But for a boy to look like a girl is degrading
'Cause you think that being a girl is degrading
But secretly you'd love to know what it's like
Wouldn't you
What it feels like for a girl
-Madonna
Thursday, August 11, 2011
The End vs The Beginning
Currently imagining what I would do if a zombie virus started spreading around the world.
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