Conflicted vs. Accepted

I've posted before about the binary gender system that's instilled in us in most cultures and nations of our world. How people have to split things as male and female, how males can only do some things and females should only do others.

I've ranted about how people shouldn't be limiting themselves to that stereotype and limiting others. I firmly believe that ideas of femininity and masculinity are completely arbitrary in what they are and that we as humans decided at some point that this is a girl thing and that is a guy thing. And for some reason if someone or a group of people don't follow that same arbitrary thinking there is something wrong with them.

It also leads to my own personal issues of labelling myself beyond the word gay or even queer. To be honest I rather not use either and just say that I'm me. Because in the end when it comes to sexual attraction or romantic attraction or hell a platonic friendly likability it all depends on a person's qualities not body parts they have or how many X's or Y's they were born with.

Isn't it possible that everyone is pansexual- AKA open to everything and just so happens that the qualities you're attracted to can categorize and limit you to the labels that society for some reason persists on using?

It's not that I haven't found a label that pertains to me, but I rather not continue the mainstream and follow society's commands that I must label myself because for some reason other people cannot take the fact that I am just me and not just a number you can shove under a generalized identity.

At the same time it's conflicting for me when I think about breaking out of the gender binary system when it comes to those going through transitions. After all people often group transgenders, transexuals and intersexed individuals under one thing when they're very different.

After all to be transgender is defined as an individual who does not identify with the gender label they were born with- however do not go through a physical transition to match the gender they do see themselves as. Transexuals are those that do go through physical transition and intersexed are those who were born with reproductive parts of both male and female.

It's confusing because while I firmly believe that those transgendered should do whatever makes them happy whether that be using a different pronoun or taking hormone therapy, I've noticed that a good amount of them freeing themselves from one gender stereotype only to put themselves in the other. There is a very firm one to one transition that happens, and most transgenders and transexuals abide by these mostly because of a long period of being seen as the gender they are not. It probably stems from the fact that they are so eager to want others to see them as the gender they actually are that they go along with society's views of the stereotypes.

While I'm very glad that trans rights are becoming a bigger priority in recent years, it's also unfortunate that they're just another group that emphasizes the "importance" that the gender binary system holds in out current society. I'd like to see more people talking about the intersexed because they often have to face with a lot of internal and external conflict because while their gender may match their sex there is not actual name for them other than intersex- despite the large spectrum of variations that could occur.

It is hypocritical for me to say that it's unfortunate these intersex people cannot label themselves, but the only way for attention and concern to be brought up for others is for a name to be given to everything. Humans like to categorize things, they like label things. There have been names that were created but they never caught on or really stuck around. More than often people simply use their own pronoun and insist on an other option when asked about their gender or sex.

It's great that some individuals have such a firm grip on their self-identity, but it's a long road to get to that point. To be able to question a part of yourself that the rest of society sees as a basic foundation to be human, is the path to getting to know yourself better. It was mentioned in a documentary I watched but the speaker had been correct that this questioning "makes you stronger as a person".


Our current society as it is, isn't ready for anything as radical as the degeneration of the gender binary system. And honestly I don't think it ever will be. Some stereotypes may fade but others will rise in their place. The very idea and recognition that there is a gender binary takes a blunt pointing out to and isn't offered until much high education and that is only if you take the right courses.

It isn't only evolution that takes years to occur but so does a cultural change to the basic foundations of human identity. Hell, in the amount of time it would take for it to occur, the human brain may degenerate enough that we can't even do deeper thinking.

What I had wanted to mention was how despite my agreement that the gender binary is rubbish, I still manage to be supportive of the LGBT community and especially the trans one. And at the same time I fight with the thought of giving myself a label just so it would be easier for others and myself. It's so much easier after all to say and think that I'm attracted to femininity (especially since femininity is completely arbitrary) than simply being open to everything that may enter my life.

Proud vs. Amused

Feeling absurdly proud and amused because my suspicions that my second brother was seeing a girl has been confirmed. I'm pleased to announce my brother are now both dating, one at the very late age of 29 and the other 27 by tomorrow.

They're late starters but I hope things turn out well for them.

And I hope my mother doesn't find out about my second brother dating or a terribly awkward interrogation will soon ensue.

Also my cousin offered me a part-time job that I took, it's only for a couple weeks but if I work the hours she mentioned I should get at least 900-1000 dollars in two weeks which I'm happy with. I applied for a government job that my mother mentioned and I'll be taking the examination session next week. If I pass it then I'll head to the interviews. The results of this will decide whether I'll be continuing my schooling so let's see how things go.

I'm not surprisingly neutral about the possible results. anyways it's too early to speculate about those things. I'm going to need to go shopping for some appropriate interviewing clothes.

Also, never buying another apple product ever again.