I just realized like 5 minutes ago how much I am like my mom.
It's horrifying, amusing and a slap in the face.
It wasn't like anything bad that she did, but she was doing this thing telling me what to eat tomorrow for lunch while waving her arms around like a small cute maniac. Yeah. Sound familiar? Yeah.
Seriously, I was like OMG when I saw that.
Add to that, I'm a pretty big gossip now that I think about it.
I'm not sure if I like the idea of me being a gossip.
Is it genetics? Maybe, doubt it. I mean I grew up seeing my mom as my most favourite person in the entire world, I probably did the whole "monkey see, monkey do" thing. Still, it was a disturbing realization that makes a lot of sense.
I mean I still remember when I was a kid and I was just as narrow minded as my mom. I suppose in some ways I'm still trying to shed a lot of those beliefs and values that I learned from her. I like to think I've come into myself more as a person than when I was a small child doing everything my parents told me to.
But well, habits and learned behaviour like that is hard to just leave behind.
Like for example, I still try to do so much to please my parents. A compliment from either of them is like water in a desert. I got one tonight and it filled me with some much pride and I was so pleased with myself. Then I realized I was being ridiculous and popped my balloon to let myself fall to the level to ask myself why it was they couldn't be happy like that for me when I do things that I want to do?
But I guess it's a pretty natural thing for kids to always want to please their parents.
Also, still trying to get over my paranoid, self-conscious and even narcissistic thinking that I'm always being judged by those around me. What I wear, what I do, who I am. Some things I'm cool with, because being a tomboy? That's nothing. Being a feminist? A little dicier just because I hate confrontation, but I'm not going to lie about it.
I've placed myself in a position where I'm constantly trying to please my parents and "save face" in public. Ugh don't even get me talking about what I was thinking when I was coming home on the bus.
So yeah, like mother like daughter. Some things I don't mind, others? Fuck, I don't want to become my mom guys, I really don't. I doubt I will, but there's always that idea that I might lurking around.
I just noticed, your blog still says you're 19 haha. And yeah, it is kind of horrifying when you realize just how much like your parents you actually are. Hopefully though you don't want to be like her but take her good points and improve on the ones you disagree with. That's all there is to it, though yeah some molds are a lot harder to break out of.
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