Conflicted vs. Accepted

I've posted before about the binary gender system that's instilled in us in most cultures and nations of our world. How people have to split things as male and female, how males can only do some things and females should only do others.

I've ranted about how people shouldn't be limiting themselves to that stereotype and limiting others. I firmly believe that ideas of femininity and masculinity are completely arbitrary in what they are and that we as humans decided at some point that this is a girl thing and that is a guy thing. And for some reason if someone or a group of people don't follow that same arbitrary thinking there is something wrong with them.

It also leads to my own personal issues of labelling myself beyond the word gay or even queer. To be honest I rather not use either and just say that I'm me. Because in the end when it comes to sexual attraction or romantic attraction or hell a platonic friendly likability it all depends on a person's qualities not body parts they have or how many X's or Y's they were born with.

Isn't it possible that everyone is pansexual- AKA open to everything and just so happens that the qualities you're attracted to can categorize and limit you to the labels that society for some reason persists on using?

It's not that I haven't found a label that pertains to me, but I rather not continue the mainstream and follow society's commands that I must label myself because for some reason other people cannot take the fact that I am just me and not just a number you can shove under a generalized identity.

At the same time it's conflicting for me when I think about breaking out of the gender binary system when it comes to those going through transitions. After all people often group transgenders, transexuals and intersexed individuals under one thing when they're very different.

After all to be transgender is defined as an individual who does not identify with the gender label they were born with- however do not go through a physical transition to match the gender they do see themselves as. Transexuals are those that do go through physical transition and intersexed are those who were born with reproductive parts of both male and female.

It's confusing because while I firmly believe that those transgendered should do whatever makes them happy whether that be using a different pronoun or taking hormone therapy, I've noticed that a good amount of them freeing themselves from one gender stereotype only to put themselves in the other. There is a very firm one to one transition that happens, and most transgenders and transexuals abide by these mostly because of a long period of being seen as the gender they are not. It probably stems from the fact that they are so eager to want others to see them as the gender they actually are that they go along with society's views of the stereotypes.

While I'm very glad that trans rights are becoming a bigger priority in recent years, it's also unfortunate that they're just another group that emphasizes the "importance" that the gender binary system holds in out current society. I'd like to see more people talking about the intersexed because they often have to face with a lot of internal and external conflict because while their gender may match their sex there is not actual name for them other than intersex- despite the large spectrum of variations that could occur.

It is hypocritical for me to say that it's unfortunate these intersex people cannot label themselves, but the only way for attention and concern to be brought up for others is for a name to be given to everything. Humans like to categorize things, they like label things. There have been names that were created but they never caught on or really stuck around. More than often people simply use their own pronoun and insist on an other option when asked about their gender or sex.

It's great that some individuals have such a firm grip on their self-identity, but it's a long road to get to that point. To be able to question a part of yourself that the rest of society sees as a basic foundation to be human, is the path to getting to know yourself better. It was mentioned in a documentary I watched but the speaker had been correct that this questioning "makes you stronger as a person".


Our current society as it is, isn't ready for anything as radical as the degeneration of the gender binary system. And honestly I don't think it ever will be. Some stereotypes may fade but others will rise in their place. The very idea and recognition that there is a gender binary takes a blunt pointing out to and isn't offered until much high education and that is only if you take the right courses.

It isn't only evolution that takes years to occur but so does a cultural change to the basic foundations of human identity. Hell, in the amount of time it would take for it to occur, the human brain may degenerate enough that we can't even do deeper thinking.

What I had wanted to mention was how despite my agreement that the gender binary is rubbish, I still manage to be supportive of the LGBT community and especially the trans one. And at the same time I fight with the thought of giving myself a label just so it would be easier for others and myself. It's so much easier after all to say and think that I'm attracted to femininity (especially since femininity is completely arbitrary) than simply being open to everything that may enter my life.

Gender Neutral Parenting: Natural vs Forced

I recently read an article on the ten myths on gender neutral parenting. You can read it here

We've talked about it a little in my Gender Relations class last semester but other than that, I think the conclusion the prof settled on was that people focus too much on girl and boy which I agree with completely. I think raising a child with gender neutrality in mind is a great thing, it's the beginning of breaking stereotypical gender roles which are so prevalent in society that it limits males and females form being completely themselves for fear of appearing not their gender.

And I think when it comes to raising kids you should let them be who they are, which is why when I read about transsexual kids nowadays I get super hopeful for a better future. But you know on TV or even listening to others talk about it, it really seems like they're forcing it too much.

I get it. I do. But here's an example of what really bothers me.

Yellow has somehow become known as a gender neutral colour.

The problem is that why is yellow a gender neutral colour? Why can't pink or blue, or green? Aren't all colours gender neutral?

If you think yellow is a gender neutral colour you're inadvertently reinforcing the idea that pink is for girls and that blue and green are for boys. You know what would be easier? Keeping the room white, and then painting it when your kid has a favourite colour by their own opinion and choice.

It really bothers me when you go walk through the baby's clothing section and see all the girl's clothes are pink and have Dora the Explorer on it and the boy's clothes actually have a variety of colours sporting cars, and horses and power rangers and stuff.

My professor mentioned that this one couple kept the sex of their newborn baby a secret because they didn't think it mattered. Because it doesn't. Whether their child is a boy or a girl, it really doesn't and yet their friends and family got so outraged about it they got angry phone calls and emails. It's completely insane how much society puts so much emphasis on someone's gender, on their sex.

The first thing someone asks when a child is born is their sex. Not if they're healthy, not if the mother is ok, not if there were any complications during the birth. The first thing they ask, that they need to desperately know is the baby's sex.

The child will gain their own interests whether they're along the lines of typical female or male interests then thats, that. Children don't need their parents to coddle them into gender roles. Society does that all on it's own, the parents should be the ones guiding their children to be themselves, they should be there to support their children no matter their interests or their preferences. They should be there with their children to fight against society in order for their children to live happily as them, not what other people tell them to be.

Gender neutrality isn't about painting the walls yellow and making their clothes yellow. It's not about not buying your kid dolls or cars to play with. It's about letting your kid grow up to like what they like and to be who they are. It's about loving them and caring for them not caring about the opinions of others.

If I ever have a daughter who likes pink, wears dresses, make-up and dates boys I won't care as long as she's safe, happy and being who they want to be. Or if I have a daughter who grew up like me hating dresses, never wearing make up and for the first 12 years of her life hating the colour pink I'll be just fine with that too.

Masculine vs. Feminine

“TRUE MEN” by Brian Shumway
Project Description:
Gender can be a perplexing thing. Despite being flexible and malleable, it defines and confines who we are and how we express ourselves, especially through behavior and dress. Men in particular are bound by the dictates of gender. To be a ‘real man,’ being manly and masculine (or at the very least not outwardly effeminate) are paramount. Expression of one’s manhood, especially in public, must remain within a narrow range of acceptable social norms. Little boys are conditioned as such from birth, almost as a universal absolute. But this ignores the full story of male identity. There is a large spectrum of male experience that is deemed off limits by popular society. The men in this portrait series fall outside traditional notions of manliness and masculinity. They possess an effeminate manner, dress, or look, a ‘girlishness’ that is as much a part of being male as weightlifting and football. They boldly embrace expressions of male identity which flaunt the confines of conventional conceptions of manhood and what it means to be a man.

Beauty vs. Disease

In a world where there are size zeroes in clothing, is it any wonder there are so many girls who have eating disorders? Is it any wonder where even run way models die from lack of nutrition? When their weary sick bodies finally give in and they just die?

No, no it isn't.

It's a horrible things thats happening around the world because media and so many people in the world think that girls who are nothing but skin and bones are the beauty of the world. And the thing it isn't, pictures of woman with their ribs showing, when their arms are the same circumference from their biceps to their wrists horrify people. It’s not right, it's immoral to encourage this and it's a plague that spreading throughout the world as fast as obesity. And yet it's become the norm of society and it's sickening, people promote this in children as young as twelve. Telling child models that they need to work out, that they're too fat and such when they haven't even hit puberty yet. This causes low-self-esteem and destructive habits and perspectives that can take lives.

The most beautiful woman in the world, is someone who is happy in their own body no matter the type and can smile with life in their eyes and confidence in who they are.