Conflicted vs. Accepted

I've posted before about the binary gender system that's instilled in us in most cultures and nations of our world. How people have to split things as male and female, how males can only do some things and females should only do others.

I've ranted about how people shouldn't be limiting themselves to that stereotype and limiting others. I firmly believe that ideas of femininity and masculinity are completely arbitrary in what they are and that we as humans decided at some point that this is a girl thing and that is a guy thing. And for some reason if someone or a group of people don't follow that same arbitrary thinking there is something wrong with them.

It also leads to my own personal issues of labelling myself beyond the word gay or even queer. To be honest I rather not use either and just say that I'm me. Because in the end when it comes to sexual attraction or romantic attraction or hell a platonic friendly likability it all depends on a person's qualities not body parts they have or how many X's or Y's they were born with.

Isn't it possible that everyone is pansexual- AKA open to everything and just so happens that the qualities you're attracted to can categorize and limit you to the labels that society for some reason persists on using?

It's not that I haven't found a label that pertains to me, but I rather not continue the mainstream and follow society's commands that I must label myself because for some reason other people cannot take the fact that I am just me and not just a number you can shove under a generalized identity.

At the same time it's conflicting for me when I think about breaking out of the gender binary system when it comes to those going through transitions. After all people often group transgenders, transexuals and intersexed individuals under one thing when they're very different.

After all to be transgender is defined as an individual who does not identify with the gender label they were born with- however do not go through a physical transition to match the gender they do see themselves as. Transexuals are those that do go through physical transition and intersexed are those who were born with reproductive parts of both male and female.

It's confusing because while I firmly believe that those transgendered should do whatever makes them happy whether that be using a different pronoun or taking hormone therapy, I've noticed that a good amount of them freeing themselves from one gender stereotype only to put themselves in the other. There is a very firm one to one transition that happens, and most transgenders and transexuals abide by these mostly because of a long period of being seen as the gender they are not. It probably stems from the fact that they are so eager to want others to see them as the gender they actually are that they go along with society's views of the stereotypes.

While I'm very glad that trans rights are becoming a bigger priority in recent years, it's also unfortunate that they're just another group that emphasizes the "importance" that the gender binary system holds in out current society. I'd like to see more people talking about the intersexed because they often have to face with a lot of internal and external conflict because while their gender may match their sex there is not actual name for them other than intersex- despite the large spectrum of variations that could occur.

It is hypocritical for me to say that it's unfortunate these intersex people cannot label themselves, but the only way for attention and concern to be brought up for others is for a name to be given to everything. Humans like to categorize things, they like label things. There have been names that were created but they never caught on or really stuck around. More than often people simply use their own pronoun and insist on an other option when asked about their gender or sex.

It's great that some individuals have such a firm grip on their self-identity, but it's a long road to get to that point. To be able to question a part of yourself that the rest of society sees as a basic foundation to be human, is the path to getting to know yourself better. It was mentioned in a documentary I watched but the speaker had been correct that this questioning "makes you stronger as a person".


Our current society as it is, isn't ready for anything as radical as the degeneration of the gender binary system. And honestly I don't think it ever will be. Some stereotypes may fade but others will rise in their place. The very idea and recognition that there is a gender binary takes a blunt pointing out to and isn't offered until much high education and that is only if you take the right courses.

It isn't only evolution that takes years to occur but so does a cultural change to the basic foundations of human identity. Hell, in the amount of time it would take for it to occur, the human brain may degenerate enough that we can't even do deeper thinking.

What I had wanted to mention was how despite my agreement that the gender binary is rubbish, I still manage to be supportive of the LGBT community and especially the trans one. And at the same time I fight with the thought of giving myself a label just so it would be easier for others and myself. It's so much easier after all to say and think that I'm attracted to femininity (especially since femininity is completely arbitrary) than simply being open to everything that may enter my life.

Bribed vs. Bargained

It wasn't too long ago I was both laughing and shaking my head at a post I saw on Tumblr where a man admitted to bribing his gay son with new laptops and such to not be gay.

To me it just spoke how completely ignorant and terrible some people can be. On the other hand his son is getting a lot of new nice stuff while at the same time suffering at the hand knowing his parents have decided spoiling and bribing him is a great way of shaping his character. That they will literally buy and do anything to make sure he is 'normal'.

I am pretty unfit so when my parents told me they would buy me a car if I got in better shape I wasn't sure how to react. I mean a car would be nice- if i could you know DRIVE. Honestly I rather have a new computer but I think that would go against what they want for me. Unbeknowst to them I've already been eating better and actually excersising, shocker I know. Of course now I've messed up the nerves in my foot or something and I can't walk without sharp pain to go through my right foot so meh.

Also I'm pretty sure Vic knows about me. It's kind of freaking me out cause he's being all supportive and stuff and shows me all these lgbt articles. Of course then he says something douchebaggy and then I don't know anymore.

I'm not sure if this post was about lgbt stuff or my parents bribing me to get off the computer and going outside more.

----

Which reminds me, my mom wants me to apply for a full time job for a call centre for the government. The pay is pretty great around 50k annually, I really need an income if I want to get a PC and ever move out of my parent's place. But the thing is I would have to drop out of school to work, my mom says she wants me to work a year and then go back but I don't think I would go back if I stopped.

I don't know she's getting Victor to apply too. I guess I'll apply and see if I get an interview before I decide anything. Knowing me though I won't get passed the interview. I'm no good at formal things sigh.

Rights vs. Laws

I'm sure everyone has heard about Amendment 1 in North Carolina.

You have no idea the amount of frustration and disappointment I felt when I found out about it. Also it's fuelled by so much bigotry and stupidity I don't even know where to begin. These people are so busy disallowing someone the right to be seen officially as a couple in the eyes of the law that they've forfeited their own rights and possibly compromised the integrity of proper domestic violence protection, child custody laws and other important laws that protect the people.

They wave their stupid banners that shout out that they're protecting marriage.

DO YOU EVEN FUCKING KNOW WHAT MARRIAGE IS?

Cause I'm pretty sure you don't.

Marriage was created a contract between families. For a girl to marry was to be bribed and shoved away by her father to her husband. Men married for an heir to their lands and fortunes and to gain the dowry in whatever form it came in, livestock, money, land etc.

There is not sacred sanctity to marriage you idiots. Marriage only changed when ideas of marrying for love and intimacy came about.

People shouldn't have be able to vote on other's rights. Because then they're not rights. What you're doing is sticking you stupid dumb ass nosy self into someone elses private life. SOMEONE WHO YOU PROBABLY DON'T EVEN KNOW. And just because a man wants to marry another man, IT DOESN'T MEAN IT HAS ANY AFFECT ON YOUR MARRIAGE. And if you think it does then your marriage wasn't worht much in the first place.

There are people in North Carolina now suffering because of this stupid amendment because their civil union, their domestic partnerships have been nullified. Gay or straight, it doesn't fucking matter because apparently to these people the only acceptable relationship between a man and woman is through marriage.

Is marriage is so fucking sacred and traditional why do so many people get divorced?

Now see I wasn't going to rant about this because I know it would only be messy.

But I read an article today that two women were ARRESTED in North Carolina after Amendment 1 passed for asking to get a marriage license. This couple was ARRESTED for simply asking, and stepping out to protest against the hideously narrow-minded, uneducated decisions of the people in Norht Carolina that has basically denied them the right to love and live with who they want.

The funny thing is in the exact same day Amendment 1 passed, Argentina passed a bill unanimously allowing for people to freely change their sex to match their genders without needing to go to a psychiatrist and being diagnosed with gender dysphoria. This bill also allows them to have access to FREE hormone treatment.

Argentina did this unanimously yet, North Carolina a state in the United States cannot even allow people who are happy as who they are and being with another person to be with them in any kind of legal union because they are too busy yelling out only certain parts of the bible and slamming the LGBT community with the fucking book.

I just.

I just can't.

The fact that something like this happened, the fact that Obama felt he was forced to announce his stand on marriage between same-sex couples is ridiculous.

I mean holy fuck, let people do what they want. It's not like they want to run into your house and rape your children or something. they just want to get married. It's none of your fucking business, nor do you have the right to decide someone elses relationship status.

How would you like it one day if someone grabbed you by the arm smashed you into a stranger, forced rings onto your hands and told you you were now engaged? You wouldn't like that very much either would you.

Well in this case you're ripping two people apart slapping them an unsigned marriage license and burning it in front of their eyes while telling them they don't deserve to be treated like a person.

Knowing vs. Applying

Discrimination vs. Discriminating

I'm sure people can tell that I try to be as open minded as possible about things and I like to think I try my best now to be accepting and as non-prejudice as possible. This could possibly be because I'm a member of a large variety of groups who are stereotyped, and hated.

I identify as female, I'm Chinese and I'm pretty gay. (I'm getting better at saying that word now see?)

I mean the most discrimination I face from day to day is because I'm female. But that's mostly from my family- which is kinda sad actually but anyways. I didn't really realize it until my prof mentioned it in my women studies class last week how completely divided the groups of the oppressed were. I mean in the end we're all fighting for the rights to live in society as who we are. And our suppressors are mostly of the same origin as well.

I don't want to sound accusatory when I say the adult white males of society. But honestly that's really where most suppressors originate from. I'm not turning in the typical feminist when I say patriarchy- I'm saying it because it's the freakin' truth. Our society runs on the societal cultural norms created by European- white- patriarchal society. And the only reason this idea has become such an issue that mostly receives snorts and eye rolls is because those white male suppressors who hold most of the powerful positions in societal make it seems eye-rolling necessary. It makes it seem completely ridiculous and is a notion that should be regarded with only exasperation. It's what they want, and they succeed every day.

Anyways, with oppressed populations of the people divided and in various cases against each other it's no wonder it takes such a longer time for things to be changed and dealt with. As the saying goes divide and conquer, and in the case of all the different kind of human rights in the world we need to be united in order for things to change quicker and for the better.

I get it though. Just because you're gay doesn't mean you're not sexist, or racist and the same can be definitely said about the others. But if you think about it for people like me in which you're a member of more than just one oppressed group, it's kind of puzzling why one earth you're fighting for rights for only one aspect of who you are.

On one hand you're fighting for equal rights in the workplace for men and women, the next you're doing it again for non-Caucasians and then you're doing it again and again. It's the same with various areas that people fight for equity and equality for. It happened with interracial marriage and now it's happening with same-sex marriage. I mean even if it were reversed and same-sex marriage was accepted and interracial wasn't things would be no different if you were in an interracial same--sex relationship.

Doesn't it just make so much more sense if people were to put aside their differences and strive for a goal they all want? Just because you may not be included in a certain group of people doesn't mean you shouldn't care about them. They're still people and they still have rights, freedoms and feelings. Isn't that enough to grant them the equal rights that everyone wants?

Relevant.

What is it like to be asexual?

 

Ugly crying vs. Horrible sobbing

As the title suggests I was crying quite hard like a minute in. Ugh, it's just...so horrible. As horrible as this makes America, this is all over the world. Rewatching it now and crying again. Going to bed and weeping now.

WHAT THE FUCK

Apparently if you're a same-sex couple that got married in Canada whose not Canadian  your marriage license is fake. Meaning you got charged 5000 dollars for a fake marriage certificate. The only way your same-sex marriage is real is it you're Canadian, or if you live in a place in which same-sex marriage is acknowledged which means all those Americans who don't live in those few states that recognize same-sex marriage. Well that marriage ceremony you had up here in Vancouver? Yah that was a fake marriage and that marriage certificate you hold? Not valid.

Seriously, what the hell?

As the saying goes what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas.

Or in this case.

When married in Canada you're really only married if you stay in Canada or live in a pro-same-sex area, which makes you question why you got married in Canada in the first place.

Honesty vs. Truth

I honestly feel sorry for my future kids if they end up being gay.

    Kid: "Mom?"
    Me: "Yeah?"
    Kid: "...would you still love me if...I was gay?"
    Me: "...are you gay?"
    Kid: "Yes."
    Me: "OH MY GOD YES COME HERE NEW FAVORITE CHILD I KNEW I RAISED YOU RIGHT GIVE ME A HUG I'M MAKING COOKIES DO YOU WANT A NEW CAR HERE PUT GLEE IN THE DVD PLAYER WE'RE HAVING A PARTY."

Gender vs Sex

I never really thought about it until I took my Genders Relations class. But most people don't normally think about their gender and whether it matches their sex. I don't know maybe it's because you don't think about it unless you do know your gender and sex don't match. But after a particular lecture where we watched a film on Transgender and Transsexuals did I really think about it.

I mean, I have perfectly good reason to question my gender don't I? My mother constantly calls me a tomboy and my brothers tease me about it. My parents are constantly complaining that I'm nothing like a girl.

According to Psychologists I could potentially be transgender because I didn't grow up playing with dolls, I don't enjoy wearing dresses and I much rather partake in more 'male' activities. Whatever the fuck that means. As my mother likes to say I wear 'boy' clothes, I much rather sit down to a hockey game than shop for clothes, I don't have any interest in makeup or nail polish. The most 'feminine' I get is me straightening my hair. I wear dresses when I have to, not because I want to. And honestly I think being a guy would just be so much easier even in our day and age.

I know being a guy would be a lot easier for me at least. For more than the obvious reason. I mean I'm pretty sure having a male anatomy would be interesting, though I would say the teenage hormonal boners would be rather embarrassing.

So I asked myself am I transgender? Do I perceive myself as female, do I feel that I am a girl?

And the answer is, yeah. Yeah I'm a girl, I like being a girl and I'm a damn proud feminist. Just because I don't fit into the boundaries and categories people place on us doesn't make me gender confused or whatever. I like what I like, and I am what I am.


It's funny because based on a psychological diagnosis I could be diagnosed with being born in the wrong body. Yet when I took a survey done by a sociologist, I'm considered extremely feminine.

So what does that say about me?

Chopsticks vs. Fork

Not nearly as annoying as the typical "When did you realize you were gay?" question. But still annoying.